I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
