Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
