i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
