Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
