Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
