Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think I sprained my soul last night
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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