I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
