i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
foreskin is a definite game changer
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
