i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
