All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
