Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
