Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
