You're my little dorito
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
