I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
