Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
