u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
