you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize