If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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