I bet he comes in French.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
