i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
