dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
