I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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