Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
