U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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