She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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