Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
