Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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