Yo dont text me then not text me
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
