HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
