My cat gives me a boner
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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