yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
