If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
