I can text with my tongue
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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