I just cut my nipple shaving
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
They have beer where we have blood.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
