If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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