apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
