She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
