he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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