Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
