physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
