i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
