If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
