You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
