I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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