Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
