Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
