He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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