His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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