I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
