im drinking this country out of the recession.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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