You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
