dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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