I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
